What do I do when I don’t remember?

The hardest time of the day is dinner time and that is the worst time to have a hard time. Almost every seizure I have had lately has been in the kitchen it seems. Usually at Christmas we make Gingerbread houses and 12-20 dozen cookies. We didn’t make gingerbread houses at all this year and only made sugar cookies once. I made two other batches I think. I decided to make cookies recently and didn’t even get this first batch in the oven and I had a seizure. The place I love to be is where I can’t be anymore.

I don’t remember what happens when I am having a seizure. I just wake up from falling asleep for a little bit confused. Sometimes I hear people talking but I only hear a little of what they are saying right before I wake up. It’s not like going to sleep at night. I can’t say what people observe only what I feel. Before I had no idea when one was going to happen. Now sometimes I have been able to say something to someone right before. It is a different type of seizure than most people have seen because I don’t have convulsions. I have had them 5 times before but since I have been on medicine I haven’t.

I started writing this post last week and didn’t finish it. This week I have had 3 seizures. One while eating dinner, one while sitting talking to Summer my youngest daughter and one while sitting in church this morning. I am so tired. I should be going to stay at the epilepsy monitoring unit soon. I hope the new Doctor can figure something out. God is good!

The next week I ended up having 3 or 4 seizures as well and I just never came back and finished this post. I was reading about how to be a good blogger and it was talking about not writing the way I am writing pretty much. I am writing for anyone who wants to or needs to understand from the point of view of someone dealing with Focal Epilepsy to be able to read. I am also writing for myself. I am hoping to feel better and be able to post recipes and craft stuff like I used to before I cleared my blog out.

When I come out of a seizure episode I am very confused. Sometimes someone is sitting right with me to tell me I had a seizure. I will then ask what happened usually right away but I usually have to ask again later because things are still foggy even then. Sometimes I remember little things leading up to the seizure like reaching for my husbands hand or something like that because I got a weird feeling that something was coming on. Usually I don’t know I am going into a seizure though. I ask a lot of questions everytime I never feel like I understand what is happening and then when we go to the Doctor and they start explaining to him what I do I feel like I don’t know anything that happened.

I hope to be able to post more often it is really hard to find time to write and sometimes hard ro concentrate. If you read I hope you find something you need in my words. God Bless you. Jamielynn

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